“I write to you, young men, because you are strong” (1 John 2:14). I’ve heard several people point out in recent days that we live in a time when we really need the strength of our young men.

That rings true to me. Age brings experience, and experience generates wisdom. But no army would succeed by sending its old men to the front lines. It is the young men who have the strength to advance against the enemy and win. And we live in embattled times.

Young men, you have strength. This is your time! Your family and your church family is cheering you on: we want you to “be strong and courageous” like Joshua on the eve of the Conquest, like young David, zealous for the LORD of Hosts.

But how will you use your strength?

I’m not exactly old, but I’ve lived long enough to know that my strongest days are behind me. And when I do look back and observe the steps I’ve taken along the way, I see some that I’m glad I made and others I regret.

Perhaps these observations could be a help. I’ll begin by sharing a couple of the things I would change if I could repeat the last 25 years.

First, I regret that I was not more intentional about the people I spent time with. By God’s grace, I was spared some of the consequences of carelessness in my friendships. Because of my parents and my church family I was protected from my own poor choices. But in hindsight I wish I had been more zealous to connect with godly men.

In the book of Proverbs, after a brief introduction, the very first lesson Solomon teaches his son is to stay away from the Gang, the “sinners” who invite him into mischief (Proverbs 1:8-19). Come to think of it, the Psalter begins the same way: “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked.”

For many a young man, this is his Achilles’ Heel: He chooses the wrong crowd. Parents and pastors warn him, but he makes excuses for his foolish friends: “You don’t know him like I do.” “She gets me!” In one move of the heart, he isolates himself from those God gave him and joins himself to a fool.

Young man, you need to pay close attention to your relationships. Honor your father and mother—even when you see their flaws. If you encounter a wise, older man who is actually willing to spend time with you, take advantage. Make it easy and enjoyable for him to give you a chance. With your peers, connect with those who are walking the path you want to walk. Stay away from fools who despise correction, forsake their parents, speak with haste, exhibit uncontrolled anger, or pursue quick riches.

My mistake was passivity: I just hung out with whoever was around. But wise people don’t grow on trees: they’re rare. When you find one—whether he seems “cool” or not—mark it down and make an effort to attach yourself to him.

Another regret I have was that as a young man, I lacked a clear idea of what a man is for. If you had asked me in my early 20s what God’s purpose is for a man, I would have struggled to answer. Again, God prevented my family and me from suffering too greatly from this deficiency!

Many young men long to have an impact on the world, but they listen to bad advice like “follow your dreams,” or “don’t worry about money,” or “Just trust the Lord.” The problem is how we tend to receive this type of counsel. We take it to mean that working hard to earn a decent paycheck is not as good as doing something “important.” Of course you shouldn’t worry about money. But you do need to make money! Of course you should trust the Lord. But you also need to get busy!

And that’s where your purpose comes in. You were created by God as a man to protect, provide, and preside. You’re strong! You can work long hours and live with discomfort. You don’t have to be a star athlete or have an exceptional intellect. But if you are going to provide for a family, protect a family—if you want to preside over a family—then you’ll need to be tough. You’ll need to have some grit.

Remember that for Adam’s sin, God cursed the ground. It bears thorns and thistles. “By the sweat of your brow will you eat your bread.” If you expect to escape the tedium and frustration of working in a sin-cursed world, your family will suffer.

I’ve worked a lot of jobs in my life. But I wish I had learned to expect the frustration. I wish I had understood more fully that my first calling was to my family and that only if I could protect and provide for them could I fulfill a calling to lead others. Keeping our purpose straight—even if it feels like a disappointment in the short term—will make an incredibly positive difference over time.

I’m so grateful that God loves me and my family in spite of my mistakes. But I hope you can learn from them and avoid them in your own life. Connect yourself with godly men, and remember your purpose.